LOSING YOUR SENSE OF SELF.

Has something so devastating happened to you or someone close to you and you saw how everything changed for them! Pain and trauma have a way of changing people and how they view life.

Some people get knocked down by the sudden life changing event and dust themselves up and fight through it.... Others have the hardest time getting past it but once they do,they come out a different person... others barely make it out!

Some people really start to find their identify in the pain and the hurt that they don't remember who they were before it all. The pain is their familiar place. As a means to suppress all the internal war they are experiencing, some turn to alcohol, drugs, cutting themselves, self medicating.... These are things we see around us all the time. We just don't really know how much someone is going through and as per usual we are always so quick to judge. You know I'm right!

This year alone,I feel like I have gotten the opportunity to meet pretty interesting people with different backgrounds and experiences who I have gained so much insight from. One of them being Mr. X. It has been a rough year for him. Imagine being in a relationship with someone for 4 years and right when you are ready to move in with them and spend the rest of your lives together, she passes away due to a misdiagnosis 😔 The agony! The anger!

So many questions obviously went  through his mind at that point...

Where do I start? 

How am I supposed to cope?

How can life be so unfair? 

Why did it have to be her!? 

Is God really out there? Why would He allow something like this to happen?

I can only imagine how painful it must have been. I'm not going to even pretend I know, because I don't. All I can do is imagine and my heart feels so heavy at the thought of that.

He carries the pain like a pile of stones on his back. It keeps weighing him down and the only way to unburden himself is by the bottle, which he has with time become oh so familiar with. It has been bestowed with the responsibility of filling the void that has been left or atleast getting him to a point where he doesn't remember of it's existence. The experience has rendered a man in his youth somewhat unproductive. Complacency has become a way of life.

His close friends have been with him through it all. They have tried to talk to him, push him into looking for something to do... But to no avail. You do remember that an idle mind is the devil's workshop, right? All the free time is making more room for over thinking which is taking him deeper and deeper into this hole. Who will get him out!? Only he can do so. Question is, is he willing? Or has he centered his life around what has happened that he has lost his sense of self?

The pain is real because the love and affection you had for that person was real. Healing and dealing with the pain is obviously an individualized process and no one can ever dictate how long your healing process is going to take. How I cope with things will never be how you cope with the same situation. However, not making any strides towards healing will only lead to stagnation in life and no one would want that for you. Not even yourself.

If the person you have lost is out there in any form, what would they want you to do and achieve? Are you making them proud? 

I read somewhere that our scars are like scars on a small tree They will never fade away, but our tree will continue to grow. Our tree gets bigger and stronger, our branches stretch out,  roots grow deeper, and though the scars will always remain, overtime they become smaller in relation to ourselves. 

It is my prayer that anyone going through the loss of a loved one, and is overwhelmed with the pain, shall get to a point where the load won't be as heavy anymore. You shall be able to find the strength within yourself to move on and not be afraid to love again. The people you meet will not replace the one you have lost, and they shouldn't. You shall forever hold on to all the beautiful memories. But you have to remember that YOU ARE DESERVING OF HAPPINESS AND SELF FULFILLMENT! Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Allow yourself to properly grieve and do not feel ashamed to break down when you need to. A beautiful flower may last only a single season, but it was beautiful all the same, and we're better off for it. Make your life be the same way. Your loved one lives on in you. They helped create the person you are today, so turn that into something positive that he/she would be proud of. Do not allow yourself to stop living in the face of tragedy, but recognize your own mortality and live fully. I honestly do believe that they are in a better place as cliche as that may sound, they may have found peace that they may have not experienced in the world.

And as for family and friends of someone that is grieving, we have to create a solid support system and show them all the love in the world, they need it. I know life is fast pacing and we would expect that they would get over the loss equally as fast, however that may not be the case and you need to be more understanding. Do not rush them. Encourage them to talk. There is some peace that comes with expression of our feelings in an environment where we do not feel judged and are fully accepted. When you the load is too heavy for them kindly encourage them to see a therapist for grief counseling. It could be what saves them from themselves at that point.

Do not hesitate to leave words of encouragement for Mr. X and any other person going through such a hard time dealing with loss in the comment section. Thanks in advance. 💚

Spread Love & Light,

Njeri💋💋