GENDER BASED VIOLENCE; STILL A HUGE THORN IN KENYA'S FLESH

Hey Wisdom Nugget Lovers,

Gender based violence encompasses quite a few subtopics i.e  physical assault, verbal abuse, domestic conflicts, defilement, sexual assault and forced marriages.

Violence against women and girls knows no race, age, class or culture. It has been happening since time immemorial, some based on stupid ideologies and cultural beliefs among other reasons. It occurs in homes, schools, places of work and entertainment just to name a few. 

Domestic violence is defined as "the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. it includes physical violence, physiological violence, and emotional abuse"

Just last month we heard about the story of Lucy Njambi who is a victim of Domestic Violence based on her story. Her husband, former Kiambu MCA, who was in the company of unidentified men, picked her from her apartment on the day of her demise. They abused her, raped her and doused her with acid sustaining 60% burns which was made worse by the fact that they made her drink it. (My God 😢😢😢😢). This comes after having marital issues and her, consequently choosing to leave her husband. Something he wasn't particularly pleased with, according to her former teacher cum close friend.

This is Pauline Mugure, a 20 year old lady that was burned with a stove by her husband after a quarrel that ensued over a text message on January 24th last year.

Lucy Njambi is amongst the 357 cases that have already been reported in 2018! THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SEVEN CASES PEOPLE!!!! Which is an increase compared to 235 and 319 in November and December last year respectively. Nairobi is leading with 222 cases since November last year followed by Kiambu with 93 and Kakamega with 57! If these numbers are not shocking to you... I don't even know what is!

And that isn't even the half of it ... there is more butt-clenching statistics

• 5 out of 10 girls, irrespective of whether they have had experiences of childhood violence prior to the age of 18 believe it is acceptable for a husband to beat his wife under one or more circumstances

• 47% of women between the age of 15 and 49 have experienced sexual or physical violence in their lives. There is 40% exposure to men as well.

• Older women, young girls and the disabled are not spared by the GBV (Gender Based Violence) perpetrators.  Women with disabilities represented 1%. Women above the age of 50 represented 3%. Girls below the age of 11 represented a whooping 24% of GBV Survivors.

WHAT ARE WE DOING WRONG AS A COUNTRY?

The mere fact that we refer GBV as a woman issue is among our biggest problems. We give men a sorry ass excuse not to pay attention, because hey, it doesn't really concern them.

I was watching a presentation by a gentleman called Jackson Katz where he stated how funny it was that dominant groups are rarely ever challenged to think of their dominance. They are rendered invisible in large measures.
Let me give some examples:

• When we say sexual orientation... the first thing that comes to mind is gays and lesbians. As though heterosexuals have no sexual orientation

• When we talk about racism, first thing that comes to mind is black Americans and Hispanics etc as though white isn't a race

• When we talk about rape, you think of women. What about sodomy? Even though it is rarely reported, it does not mean it is not in existence.

Isn't this the same thing that happens when we talk about gender? Do you see what I mean? Men have been erased from so much of the conversation that is centrally about men!

As a society we are so quick to ask questions like; why is she seeing that guy? Why was she dressed like that? instead of asking why does XY (man) physically abuse XX (woman)? What triggers the perpetrators to abuse women? Why are some men still stuck on the mentality that beating your wife is an expression of love even in the 20th Century? We are so accustomed to victim blaming that we barely ever reach the root of the problem.

The society that creates men who abuse women is the very same one that creates those that abuse their fellow men. Recently a post by the Daily Mail dated 9th January talked about an ex-youth football coach who has been accused of 48 counts of child sexual abuse. He assaulted boys aged from 11 to 14 around late 1970s and into the 1990s. He used horror films, a wild cat and a pet monkey to groom his victims before abusing them. (I swear this sounds like those low budget films that has to have a crazy story line just to get some ratings.. unfortunately it is reality!). One of the complainants says he had gone to discuss about signing with Manchester City. After falling asleep, he woke up to find the coach had removed his shorts and was trying to perform a sexual act on him, which he succeeded at.

By November 2014, 350 men had had their genitals chopped off while 1.2 million had been subjected to domestic violence by female partners in Kenya. In 2015, domestic violence was at an all time high in Nyeri when women chose to cut their husband's manhood for reasons such as drinking too much and not providing, while for other it was because of cheating.

On February 18th, 2016 Moses Wetangula filed an assault case at the Langata Police Station. He had been assaulted by his wife and sustained multiple injuries. Michael Okombe, a well known rugby player in Kenya was stabbed four times by his girlfriend at a birthday party they had both attended. He succumbed to the injuries.

In 2016, soon as I finished my Psychology diploma, one of my classmates got an opportunity to work at Nairobi Women Gender Violence Recovery Center. Some of the cases she received were devastating to say the least. I'll state just a few that dwell mostly on children below 15. A boy aged 6 years old was brought in after being sexually assaulted by his older brother. What resulted out of this was even more heart breaking. This 6 year old boy started raping his 2 year old sister. 😢😢

A group of 8 boys aged 8 were sexually assaulted by one of their neighbors, aged 22, who used video games to lure the children.

Where exactly am I going with these stories you ask? I have every intention of proving that when we talk about Gender Based Violence we are not talking about just women and girls... we are talking about boys and full grown men! I want you to see the problem for what it truly is... a rot that is eating into society more and more each day it is not spoken of and not addressed! A rot we all can help to atleast reduce. The numbers are staggering ... why would we let that many people go through something so cruel if we can help it?!

Currently some of the issues we are facing are for starters: the cultural and traditional beliefs embedded in the minds of those that are beating women to listen and thinking beating them is a show of love. Issues on prosecution of the perpetrators and reporting of the occurrences. Lastly issues on stigma because most of the violence occasioned on men are rarely reported and are made fun of thus humiliating the men. (Remember all the funny pics i.e memes that came after Wetangula made the report at Langata Police Station?) There is still a strong belief that you should not air out your dirty laundry in public and you need to stick it out till the end. Which is pure BS! 

The Ministry of Public Service, Youth and Gender Affairs needs to put in more work when it comes to prevention plus put in better frameworks that help deal with the perpetrators. More programs should be set up to help the survivors such as more Gender Violence Recovery Centers that offer medical and counseling services to the survivors all over the country.

Men need to be involved more in the conversation. We live in a patriarchal society and the minute the men decide to bring this issue forth as a menace and join hands with women to try and fight it, I am of the opinion we shall be in a much better place in dealing with the problem at hand.

Women policy makers need to play an even more active role in the enforcement of laws and policies that will make it punishable by law to subject anyone to any form of Gender Based Violence.

Knowledge is power. Education may be used as a means of dealing with the issue. High schools have peer counselors who should take up the issues and have talks with the students. They need to understand early enough that is highly unacceptable and even illegal to partake in violent acts of any form. They should be made to understand the value of respectful relationships as well issues of gender equality. At the end of the day prevention shall forever be better than cure. Them having the knowledge of how wrong it is and even a crush course of how to better deal with issue better will go a long way in the fight against GBV.

Sensitization of the much older generation is highly necessary. They need to understand that there are better way of dealing with issues.What problem did Pauline Mugure's husband solve after throwing the stove at her? Violence just adds fuel to the already raging fire! Verbal non-condescending conversation can go a long way when trying to resolve issues. If anything, go to a person both of you trust enough to talk to about your personal issues and can give sound advice in case you guys can't do it yourselves. 

Furthermore, love can be expressed in so many ways; violence is most definitely NOT one of them. Don't buy into the hogwash of anger management issues! Naaaaaaaah! If I love you enough I'll work on myself to be better for you and for the longevity of the relationship. FULLSTOP!

As friends and family of someone in an abusive relationship, we can implement the By-stander Approach.  A by-stander is anyone who is neither the victim nor the perpetrator. So, are you speaking up against the violence? What are you doing to stop it? Being a friend of a man/woman who is violent, how are you challenging them to stop and seek other problem solving mechanisms? How are you supporting the victim? 

SILENCE IS A FORM OF CONSENT!!!

LET'S SPEAK UP AGAINST ANY FORM OF GENDER BASED VIOLENCE!

MEN,  WE NEED YOU ON THIS JOURNEY WITH US!
 IT AFFECTS ALL OF US!

Sending Love & Light your way
Njeri💋

PS: More ways in which we can all deal with the issue of GBV are most welcome in the comments section. We may never know who this blog post may land on. We might make more of a difference than we think.